Type A Personality

I just got back from a vacation to Bonaire (an island off the northern coast of Venezuela). Now I have many rants ready to go for my travels. This one pissed me off the most.

I am 6′5″ tall, with long legs and broad shoulders. I usually show up 3-4 hours early to my flights, and allow for a huge layover on connections for the SOLE purpose of requesting to be seated in the emergency exit row or bulkhead seating. This is a necessity for me. In a normal airplane seat, my knees are literally impaled in the seat in front of me by over 1 inch. This is extremely uncomfortable, and bordering on intolerable - depending on the duration of the flight.

On my recent trip, I went from Denver to Atlanta, Atlanta to Bonaire, then back. Delta all the way. I managed to show up early enough to get an exit row seat on all of my legs except for one. This one leg was from Denver to Atlanta - Whew! The shortest of the two flights. I ended up having a seat in the row behind the exit row. A guy in the row next to me was probably taller then me by 2 inches. He was a large and intimidating-looking cowboy. Sucks for us! I actually felt really bad for this guy, after watching him try to get into the seat. He was also somewhat overweight, adding to his difficulties.

I could tell he was upset after seeing the people already occupying the exit rows, they were all shorter people - definitely shorter then 6 feet tall. This is upsetting to see people who can comfortably sit in a regular seat, taking an exit row seat (yes, you actually must request the exit row, and agree to some extra things to be seated there). This is, in my opinion, a selfish thing to do.

This is where it gets good. One seat is left in the exit row (directly in front of me) when we are ready to depart the gate. Both me and the other guy are eyeing this extra open seat. I figure, if he goes for it - he can have it. He is worse off then me.

Oh, BUT WAIT! The next to last person to board the stupid airplane is a dwarf. Surely this guy wouldn’t have requested the exit row, so I am getting ready to make my move for the seat. Sure enough, this guy (all 4 feet of him) makes a B-line for the open exit row seat - double-checking his boarding pass before sitting down.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand all of the extra obstacles needing to be taken by “little people” in this world, and respect and even admire them for this fact. But come on, REALLY?!?! Did he really need that seat?

I look over at the guy in the row next to me. He is watching this too, but his face is now red with anger. He starts shuffling in his seat, which causes the seat in front of him to move (almost vigorously) because his knees are so far impaled into it. I actually thought this guy was going to blow up. He wasn’t far from it. He eventually calmed down, and everyone made it to Atlanta just fine.

My rant is this: If you don’t NEED the emergency exit row seat, or your traveling companion doesn’t NEED the emergency exit row seat - THEN DON’T REQUEST THAT SEAT!! Somebody on your flight surely could use it more then you.

Oh - a side-note: if you are short, and do request and get that seat, don’t fucking sit there and tell everyone else in the row how much you LOVE the extra leg room, while sticking your legs straight out from the seat. It really makes tall people want to punch you in the face.

So you are watching your favorite program, and it goes to a commercial break. Why, oh my god, why does the volume need to be cranked up so damn high? Do the TV stations make more money from the advertisers by using this tactic?

Now don’t get me wrong, advertising ‘pays’ for your free stuff. My websites provide free content, and are funded by advertisements. I have always made it my goal to make sure the advertising is not too intrusive - I block all pop-ups, ads with audio of any sort, etc. I feel that if the advertising is too intrusive, you will drive away your users. Enter TIVO. I’ve heard that TIVO could be the death of free TV programming because you can just skip past the commercials. If stations are losing revenue because of TIVO - then they deserve it. Death of free TV - no. TV stations are using off-set timing of programming to make it harder to record programs. And the battle will rage on.

My plea to the FCC is to regulate this. They are so overly hypersensitive in other areas, why can’t they put a little effort to regulate this? The FCC does address the issue on their website, stating that they DO NOT regulate commercial volume. To their credit, they do provide a ‘tip’ to help those who are irritated - and I quote:

“The “Mute” button on TV remote controls is also useful to “blank” excessively loud audio.”

No shit. I have provided a picture of what this “mute button” thingy looks like on the right. (NOTE: may differ slightly on different remote control devices).

Might I provide the FCC a couple more useful tips that they could add to their list:
1. You can put your index fingers in your ears (Warning: inserting your fingers too far may result in permanent hearing loss. Before trying this please consult your physician.)
2. Leave the room when commercials come on.

Really? I mean REALLY?
Well it seems that the FCC isn’t going to police these ‘out of control’ loud commercials, which is fine, but apparently the TV stations can’t police themselves either.  So as a consumer, I guess we are left to take measures into our own hands.  In my case, I now record all of my programs and fast forward past all of the commercials.

That’s right! Now airlines (United, U.S Air - more to come!) are adopting an ‘Extra Fee’ of $25 for a 2nd checked bag that used to be free. So now you have to actually pay for them to take your luggage and inevitably lose it.

Think you’ll be refunded that $25 when you baggage doesn’t arrive at your destination? Yeah Right.

Idiots! On Monday, the Colorado Rockies World Series tickets were supposed to go on sale online. Rockies fans were pissed off! Why online? Why allow any Joe Schmo from anywhere in the world have an attempt at getting tickets? The only people who really care are the Colorado Fans. So now the brilliant Rockies organization has decided to allow, and even encourage the world to buy and the resell tickets to a true fan for a profit - by opening the selling to the world.

I have high speed internet. I decided just to try and buy them just to resell (at face value) to actual Colorado Fans.

So I opened coloradorockies.com in a few browsers on several computes and at 10am and tried getting in. WHAT A MESS! The server was overloaded, and crashed. The spokesperson for the Rockies, Jay Alves, blames the issue on a ‘malicious’ hack. Bullshit!! Take the blame you idiot - your (Rockies Organization included) brilliant scheme to open sales to the entire world brought in so much traffic that your servers could not handle the surge. You probably were told by tons of people that an overload was going to happen (or at least there was a very high potential), and you ignored it. Now to try and save face, you blame it on a non-existent malicious hacker. Also, your stupid lying press conferences showed that you - Jay Alves - are a pompass asshole. This was a very frustrating time for the Rockies fans that you alienated, and you got on the news and didn’t give any useful information, at times belittling the reporters asking questions. I just wanted to bitch slap your ugly mug every time you got on T.V.
On the following day they tried the internet thing again, had some more problems, but finally got to selling them. I believe my IP got blocked from accessing the server, and was unable to access the server at all after about 30 minutes.

Good news for the Rockies - they showed the world how NOT to sell World Series tickets. Kind of like how we are unable to solve murders (Jon Benet, Darrent Williams, etc) and like California can’t convict murderers (just fill in the blank here).

Congrats to the entrepreneur scalpers who did get in. Exploiting the stupid decisions made by high-paid Rockies executives will certainly hurt their value in the eyes of the fans.

I usually do not cross-post articles on my sites, but one that I started on another of my sites has progressed to the point that it deserves a spot on Type A Personality.

I travel a few times a year.  On each of my last 3 trips, the airline has managed to lose my luggage:

October 2006 - Roatan Honduras - United Airlines and Taca.  Baggage lost for 4 days.
April 2007 - Fiji - American Airlines and Air Pacific.  Baggage lost for 2 days.
October 2007 - Turks & Caicos Islands - Delta Airlines.  Baggage is still lost.

The reports from the US Department of Transportation’s - Bureau of Transportation Statistics (BTS) claim that the incidence of delayed or lost luggage is about 8 incidents for every 1,000 passengers.  So you basically have just under a 1% chance of having lost luggage (BTS Press Release).

Ok, so we were a part of that 1% three times in a row!  Wow!  Can you imagine the possibility?  I am not the greatest at math but I believe that combined probability is roughly P(A) x P(B) x P(C) - or basically 1 in 1,000,000!  Look at those odds!  Some people would say I should buy a lottery ticket - but I’m thinking maybe I should be wearing a helmet around my house 24/7 so I don’t get hit by an asteriod!  In all actuality, I have more then a 10 times greater chance of being struck dead by a bolt of lightning (1 in 83,930: LiveScience).

This is getting out of control.

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 UPDATE: (This is where inconvenience turns to outright stupidity)
10-21-07, 8:30pm - Delivery man from DELTA just showed up.  He had the wrong bag.  Not the even same color or size of my bag.  Not even close.

The bag had 2 paper tags hanging from the handle.  One was a ‘lost baggage receipt’ printed by Delta’s lost baggage division with my info on it.

THE OTHER TAG HAD THE REAL OWNERS NAME, ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER ON IT - Written by the actual owner of the bag! Wonder if they ever thought of calling or delivering to the guy listed as the owner on the tag that is HANGING THE BAG??  Would that be just too obvious?

I am trying to visualize the “investigation process” that took place:
My Bag is Large and Green.
1.  Review lost bag description: Large Green Bag.
2.  Select a small silver and black checkered bag from shelf.
3.  Compare the Lost bag description to the bag taken from shelf - and determine that this is a possible match - as owner of lost bag may have misrepresented or fogotten the size and color of their bag.  Further steps are necessary.
4.  Check for identification tabs on the small bag selected as a possible match.  Read the owner tag hanging off the handle.  Read the other owner tag through the clear window on the bag.  Compare to the lost bag description.  Name, Address and Phone Number written on the info tags on the bag do not match the lost bag. 
5.  Conclusion:  This is definitely the lost bag! (WHAT?!!?)
6.  Next Step:  Deliver this silver and black checkered bag to the person who lost a green bag.
7.  Close Case.

I did call Delta lost baggage division and wasted a bunch of time on the phone speaking to people who could barely speak english to let them know about the mistake.  Needless to say, I am unsure of what was actually accomplished on the phone call.   

I am dumbfounded at the stupidity. So the question remains… “What size of shoe horn is needed?”

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UPDATE:
10-22-2007 8:00am.  Hopes and Dreams and Pixie Dust!  Woke up this morning and found that our large green bag was sitting on our doorstep.  I think it fell from the sky, and landed by the front door.  Guess what?  TSA love letter inside.  Common thread of every instance of our lost luggage is the TSA “We searched your bag” note.  I just want to thank the TSA for ensuring safe air travel by taking the all-important step of MAKING SURE THAT MY BAGGAGE DOESN’T EVER ARRIVE ON TIME!

Yet another traffic pet peeve of mine; call it a public service announcement.

If you are the person who applies their breaks on the highway on-ramp, you deserve a Hummer up your ass! You really shouldn’t be driving anyway. You are a Darwin Award waiting to happen.

Traffic on the highway is traveling at 65mph. If you accelerate to 65mph when entering the highway, you can merge with minimal effort! (Rocket Science?) On the other hand, many choose to coast at a meager 35mph, then realize that there is not a hole large enough to merge into (at this speed), so they hit their breaks, and wave their fists in the air - admonishing those who are whizzing by for not slowing to 35mph to allow them in. Honestly, can you think of ANY scenario where you shouldn’t accelerate to the speed of traffic?

I urge you ‘on-ramp stoppers’ to re-read your driving manual. Much of it is common sense, but hey, it’s impossible to remember ALL of those silly traffic rules, right?

So, stop waving your fist… pull your head out of your ass… put your foot on the gas… and get the f*ck out of my way!

Stupid People!